“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.”
These words from August Wilson strikes me to the core after a short but self awakening discussion with the person I fully trusted. I never thought at this stage of my life, after being a career woman for a long time, I still have to assess so many things within me. Things that a mature and career oriented individual like me should have known better for a long time!
It pays to be brutally honest with oneself sometimes...but the problem is it is hard for us to be self aware of what was going on within us. We always need someone to be an instrument ...to be a constant reminder, a guide to self awakening, and I am glad they are just right there...the truly honest and caring persons around us.
True indeed, What you see within you is not always going to be so cool (even how hard you are trying to convince yourself)! There are even times like this that you will find out some embarrassing traits that you didn't even want to hear. You will likely to discover so many flaws, and yes you will cringe!
In my more than ten years as a high school teacher, I almost over used the phrase "learning is a continuous process" to my students...part of that learning should be the self-assessment, yet, I almost forgot to apply it to myself.
I remember an account before... when I was new in this country... one time I called my daughter and started lamenting on my observations towards things and people around me...I was stunned with my daughter's remarks! She deliberately uttered: Mom, you are no longer in the classroom now! You are in a corporate world! With you are no longer your students, but co workers who are even there for centuries, and with far far experience than you! From my teenager daughter? t was indeed a great wake up call, and I started reprimanding myself from then on...
But....
Body Language- This very thing plays a vital role in our individuality as a person. What our body language indicates sometimes didn't actually coincides with what we are trying to convey, or worse it even go the opposite direction...The issue that i am battling for a long time .I am a kind who has no mediocre side...definitely extreme to extreme in so many ways.When in good... I am the best! but when I tend to be bad?(well we all have that side as a person) I'm exceptional ! unfortunately it includes my body language. When at times I'm in a good mood I am a cheerful and bubbly person...a thing which will not always be applicable in a formal work environment.This is where my battle field started, because every time I tried acting the business like manner...I always tend to look arrogant and rude! Yes, I blame my facial expression at times! I never wanted this aura of a dominant and quite intimidating type! (Still won't accept it though...Am I? I don't exactly know what chromosome is that) For an extrovert person like me,I wouldn't want an aloof surroundings! I would always go for a convivial and vivacious associates, and the last thing I would do is to be the primary stumbling block to achieve that kind of atmosphere. So these "rude" reactions (as some would call it) ... are absolutely meaningless!
But then again...its not about what I see, what I know and what I believe
Being in a far away place such as this, mingling with people from all walks of life...from diverse cultures, Languages,Religious Beliefs and practices, I am starting to fully understand that I still have a long long way to go..Those who knew me deeply, understands the real me, and I am proud to say that I am dearly loved and appreciated! But then again, I couldn't expect a large number of people around me to know me deeper! especially in a work setting. Now I finally realized that in this life sometimes it is inevitable not to learn wearing faces in a different situations! Wear faces like dresses! A face for each and every occasion. One has to learn the art of masking. It is not being "untrue" and "fake" but it is learning to safeguard yourself from a lot of troubles ..It is trying to be acceptable in the society ...and ultimately conforming to the norms and standards of being a normal individual, in a normal worldly set ...
After the initial shock upon shock of what I have learned, I finally discover and is trying to rediscover the goodness within me. I know that I have this boundless inner power: The ability to self correct!
and I will start TODAY!
These words from August Wilson strikes me to the core after a short but self awakening discussion with the person I fully trusted. I never thought at this stage of my life, after being a career woman for a long time, I still have to assess so many things within me. Things that a mature and career oriented individual like me should have known better for a long time!
It pays to be brutally honest with oneself sometimes...but the problem is it is hard for us to be self aware of what was going on within us. We always need someone to be an instrument ...to be a constant reminder, a guide to self awakening, and I am glad they are just right there...the truly honest and caring persons around us.
True indeed, What you see within you is not always going to be so cool (even how hard you are trying to convince yourself)! There are even times like this that you will find out some embarrassing traits that you didn't even want to hear. You will likely to discover so many flaws, and yes you will cringe!
In my more than ten years as a high school teacher, I almost over used the phrase "learning is a continuous process" to my students...part of that learning should be the self-assessment, yet, I almost forgot to apply it to myself.
I remember an account before... when I was new in this country... one time I called my daughter and started lamenting on my observations towards things and people around me...I was stunned with my daughter's remarks! She deliberately uttered: Mom, you are no longer in the classroom now! You are in a corporate world! With you are no longer your students, but co workers who are even there for centuries, and with far far experience than you! From my teenager daughter? t was indeed a great wake up call, and I started reprimanding myself from then on...
But....
Body Language- This very thing plays a vital role in our individuality as a person. What our body language indicates sometimes didn't actually coincides with what we are trying to convey, or worse it even go the opposite direction...The issue that i am battling for a long time .I am a kind who has no mediocre side...definitely extreme to extreme in so many ways.When in good... I am the best! but when I tend to be bad?(well we all have that side as a person) I'm exceptional ! unfortunately it includes my body language. When at times I'm in a good mood I am a cheerful and bubbly person...a thing which will not always be applicable in a formal work environment.This is where my battle field started, because every time I tried acting the business like manner...I always tend to look arrogant and rude! Yes, I blame my facial expression at times! I never wanted this aura of a dominant and quite intimidating type! (Still won't accept it though...Am I? I don't exactly know what chromosome is that) For an extrovert person like me,I wouldn't want an aloof surroundings! I would always go for a convivial and vivacious associates, and the last thing I would do is to be the primary stumbling block to achieve that kind of atmosphere. So these "rude" reactions (as some would call it) ... are absolutely meaningless!
But then again...its not about what I see, what I know and what I believe
Being in a far away place such as this, mingling with people from all walks of life...from diverse cultures, Languages,Religious Beliefs and practices, I am starting to fully understand that I still have a long long way to go..Those who knew me deeply, understands the real me, and I am proud to say that I am dearly loved and appreciated! But then again, I couldn't expect a large number of people around me to know me deeper! especially in a work setting. Now I finally realized that in this life sometimes it is inevitable not to learn wearing faces in a different situations! Wear faces like dresses! A face for each and every occasion. One has to learn the art of masking. It is not being "untrue" and "fake" but it is learning to safeguard yourself from a lot of troubles ..It is trying to be acceptable in the society ...and ultimately conforming to the norms and standards of being a normal individual, in a normal worldly set ...
After the initial shock upon shock of what I have learned, I finally discover and is trying to rediscover the goodness within me. I know that I have this boundless inner power: The ability to self correct!
and I will start TODAY!
 |
| Staying True! |
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